Channeling Emotions:

Cancer is a deadly disease having horrible effects on both the physical and emotional being of patients. However it has many emotional effects on the siblings of these patients, cancer is deadly but you cannot let it kill you. For me it is not until after an event when I have time to look at my feelings and emotions, and how the event effected me. During the event, I am too busy living to anaylyze my thoughts and pay attention to my needs. This stayed true when my brother was going through cancer, during the treatments I was too busy worrying about him and helping him get better that I did not recognize my feelings of jealousy and sadness. Since I did not recognize my emotions during the event I am left to deal with them after the fact.

Your brother or sister will be going through orhas gone through years of treatment, this means years of emotions, confusion, and pain for not only the patient but for you too. It's vital for you and your health to find an emotional outlet and a way you can express yourself. It is very important that you recognize your feelings and learn to channel your feelings, of maybe guilt, jealousy, anger and sadness, into constructive and creative feelings and ideas. I choose the arts. I truly enjoy dance, singing, songwriting, photography and poetry. For me these things are a way to channel my emotions, express myself, and escape the sometimes harsh realities of my life. You may not connect to the arts the way I do and you may be more comfortable expressing yourself in other ways, such as team experiences, like sports or joining clubs. In addtion to expressing yourself through social activities such as these, it gives you a great oppurtunity to forget what you are going through, and your worries about your siblings and his or her disease, and just live your life! Iit is important to face the reality of your life and all that your family has gone through and still yet has yet to come. However it is fun and even necesary at times to escape the harsh realities of life, and a good way to do so it to watch movies or get caught up in a good book.

DO NOT FORGET TO CARE FOR YOURSELF...CANCER IS A DEADLY DISEASE BUT YOU CAN'T LET IT KILL YOU TOO!!

It is completely normal to feel left out or even neglected at times, your sibling going through treatments demands a significant amount of your parent's time and energy. It is also very important that you do not feel guilty if you do feel left out or jealous. For me it is not until after an event that I usually analyze them and realize my emotions, during the event I am too busy living them, to set this time aside. People are constantly writing about how siblings should deal with jealous of the sibling going throught treatment, feeling left out and forgotten. Truthfully during my brother's treatments these categories of advice did not apply to me, for I was to busy with life and all the obstacles it threw in my path and worrying about my brother's life. I really do not feel it was until after my brother's treatment that I realized he was getting a significantly more attention and at times I did indeed feel left out. If I had taken time during the treatments to look more closely at how I was feeling I would not, after the fact, be stuck now with these feelings. I strongly advise you to care for yourself; your sibling is going through terrible times, but you cannot forget about yourself, and your needs and feelings. If you feel left out make sure you get your voice heard. If you need more attentions or somebody to talk to ask someone you trust and I am sure they will be more than willing to listen or just be there for support.

I have found it very benefical to talk to people who can completely understand what you have been through, these are people who have gone throught similar experiences as you, whether they are other patients, siblings, or Doctors.

Book Lists:

1. Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul:101 Healing stories to Compfort Cancer Patients and Their Loved Ones
2. "When Life Becomes Precious"
   EssentialGuide for Patients, Loved Ones, and Friends of those Facing Serious Illnesses
3. Surviving Cancer Emotionally: Learning Healing How to Heal